無法言語

why am i always ranting n complaining when i know i shouldnt...
i think at a brighter side... but...
end up, i'm still stuck in the dark...

i don like myself..
ugly... self conscious... lack of confidence... no sense of humour.. a boring person, indecisive contradicting
n that is why nobody likes me???
** i know they don don like me... its jus that ..........
i jus feel... not involve in a clique
** but actually i am....
but...

see... see... the problem is... i'm thinking too much..
creating some illusion when none of this happen...
damn...

i don like my life......
i don like...
i feel so pathetic.... like a failure :(
why are my frens always making use of me...
who am i to them..
alright, they are also a passer by to me then... :(

i wish for a day, whereby i can tell them all my dis-satisfactory.
don take me for granted n keep raising ur voice at me pls..
i'm not ur puppet.

why human like tat...
they always complain what they don like... but have they ever reflect that they did all these too??
why am i like tat?
have self awareness but nv change..
is this even call stubborn
dissapointed with me
dissapointed with the world...

2012... the end of the world??
i hope so...

Ur r one of the reason why i have no confident in a relationship..
n i don wan to get in a r/s, nor do i wan to get marry.. n not gonna have children......

mum....
u know how much i don like u...
why r u so selfish, unreasonable and childish?
look what u have done to the family, my dadho l
n yet .. u don feel anything??

u don love us at all...
u don love dad
u don love me...

i don wan to be like u... I DON WANTTT!!!
why must u always make me n my dad unhappy?
if u think that guy can make u happy, then jus go... jus leave...
whr r u competiting with dad ur love towards us..

dad love us unconditionally..
always giving us the best... n yet... sacrifing himself for us..
saving his money jus to give us more money to buy what i want
n u??? DID U DO THAT???
i'm not asking for a perfect mum...
but i jus wan u to understand who is ur family?
who will help u when u need help...

have u been doing ur role as a wife? as a mother??
dad have been coming home early just to cook for the family..
wash our clothes, household chores
is that what a guy, a husband suppose to do?
dad is already very tired after his work, n yet.. he is still doing all this for us..
did he complain?? did he angry?
n u?? what have u been doing??
coming home late, gg out, chatting on phone every night...

i dk wat to say...
u r a nice mum.. no no no..
u used to be a nice mum...
what happen?? WHO THE HELL BRAINWASH U??
SHIT THAT GUY

This year birthday compared to last few years is kind of boring:( again, ppl whom I hope to wish me happy bday Didn do so... But actually, it doesn't matter alr.. Cos it's the past.. Expecting my sec Fren to do the same thing like I do for their bday.. But kind of sad when my Fren Didn celebrate with me:( as in... If I were them, I will make an effort to meet up, but it looks like they Didn? One.. Meet other ppl n not me. The reason he gives is... No money. Hais:(( Another one: went out with frens:( HAIS:( but I don know he even know when my bday is... Another one, mum bday, nvm. FYP talk... Hais.. Why no join after that.. It's always like this. Doing smt for Fren bday n there is always no return:( hais. Nvm.. They are jus hi bye Fren... Shall not help ppl plan for bday le... Its not that I care for return, it's jus that.. Ur nv even show that ur appreciate it:( nv even make an effort to wish me.. I'm jus insignificant to your.. U n Clarence also nv wish me:( why like that.. We are still frens right:( hais..

have been a guai kia this few days..
go home early, eat home cooked food.. drink plain water, less bbt.
but staying at home always make me bored...
n this is when it will make me think of those unhappy things.........

emo time

cried ttm jus now.... T.T